There are certain things I’ve come to love about this new life of mine. In no certain order they are:
- A quiet house
- An hour (or two) to read in bed late at night or early in the morning
- Time to write/compose when the ideas hit
- Making plans, or as my bestie calls it, “Pondering pleasant possibilities”
- Downsizing and realizing that stuff is stuff. “You are remembered by your deeds.”(Although I still have an affinity for clothes and shoes…… )
- Freedom to be spontaneous. (Go out? Tonight? Sure!)
- Watching Cardinals baseball on TV whenever I want.
- The changes in me.
But along with all the change, there are some things that I will always miss:
- The sound of him coming in the garage and walking in the door saying, “Hey, everybody!”
- The feel of his hugs
- Hugs, in general. (You don’t realize how much you’re touched until it’s gone.)
- Evening walks uptown, holding hands
- Going for drives, just to talk.
- Cooking big meals
- Holidays (they’re non-events now)
- Working on projects around the house together.
- Hikes and bike rides. (The places I like to go aren’t safe alone.)
Grief never leaves you, you just gradually learn to get back to living, even though the ache is still there. Sometimes it even still consumes you. But the good news is, it does get easier sometimes, and it’s okay to find new things to like and do, even though you still miss what used to be.